


Jessica Jones and Spider-Man: 'Twas the Night Before Winter Break

by d0d0bird



Series: Marvel: Tales to Tantalize! [15]
Category: Jessica Jones (TV), Spider-Man - All Media Types
Genre: Alcoholic Jessica Jones, And a Shag, Attempted Seduction, Bullying, College Student Peter Parker, Drug Use, Dry Humping, Edgeplay, Embarrassed Mary Jane Watson, Embarrassed Peter Parker, Embarrassment, F/M, Fluff, Fluff and Humor, Gen, Guidance Counselor Malcolm Ducasse, Humiliation, Humor, Implied/Referenced Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Its Not a Literal Adoption But Still, Jessica Jones Adopts Peter Parker, Making Out, POV Jessica Jones, POV Peter Parker, Partial Nudity, Peter Parker Actually Treats Mary Jane Like a Human Being, Peter Parker Gets a Hug, Peter Parker Needs a Hug, Peter Parker is a Mess, Poor Peter Parker, Precious Peter Parker, Protective Malcolm Ducasse, Recreational Drug Use, Schmoop, Second-Hand Embarrassment, Seduction, Situational Humiliation, Smarm, Stripping, Teasing, Verbal Humiliation, Wet Clothing, wedgie, wedgies
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-20
Updated: 2019-12-20
Packaged: 2021-03-09 02:27:01
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,341
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21866611
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/d0d0bird/pseuds/d0d0bird
Summary: A huge snowstorm has hit New York just as Peter and his friends are about to leave for winter break. Now the four of them are trapped in the ESU honors dorms until morning.Mary Jane wants to use this time to get laid with Peter, though he’s distracted by the stress of getting Jessica a present. Meanwhile, Malcolm finds a... creative way to stop Jessica from ransacking the dorms for booze.
Relationships: Jessica Jones & Peter Parker, Peter Parker/Mary Jane Watson
Series: Marvel: Tales to Tantalize! [15]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1507763
Comments: 4
Kudos: 6





	Jessica Jones and Spider-Man: 'Twas the Night Before Winter Break

“It’s coming down real hard out there…”

“You think he’ll make it back?”

“He can lift a pickup truck over his head,” said Jessica, “I think he can handle a snowstorm.”

Jessica, Malcolm, and Mary Jane stared out the window of the honor dorm’s lounge, watching the heavy snowfall continue to come down. Fall semester at Empire State University had just ended and most everyone had left campus for winter break. The unexpected snowstorm only hastened the exodus, leaving Jessica, Malcolm, and Mary Jane the last people in the building.

Peter had left to go on his patrol as Spider-Man just as the storm was starting to hit, saying he’d be back by 7:00 PM. It was nearing 8:00 now and they still hadn’t heard from him. None of them wanted to leave until they knew for sure that Peter had made it back safe and sound. 

The winter holidays were coming up and this would be the last time the four of them were together until the holidays were over. Malcolm had worn a frumpy, red holiday sweater for the occasion. Mary Jane had worn a cute red tunic over thick black leggings. Jessica hadn’t worn anything festive, but had brought some supplies with her to celebrate. The supplies were in a bag sitting in the dorm floor’s fridge, since it was mostly spiked eggnog.

“Hey guys…” said Peter from behind.

They turned around. Peter was standing at the entrance to the lounge back in his street clothes, keeled over from exhaustion. His skin was shiny with melted snow and sweat. He gave them a weak smile and a thumbs up. 

“Thank God,” sighed Jessica, “Now we can go. If we hurry we can still catch a train before the snow closes it down.”

Jessica grabbed her bag out of the fridge as everyone put on their winter coats and walked down the hall and to the elevator. They arrived on the first floor, but only got a few steps toward the reception desk before they saw just how much it had snowed.

The glass door and windows at the front of the building were completely white, with nothing but snow visible out any of them. Jessica rushed over in concern pushed on the door. It didn’t budge. She pushed harder and harder, eventually inching it open a small amount as snow poured it.

“Peter,” she panted irritably, “Do you think you could-”

“I don’t think that’s a good idea,” he said, “Even if I could force it open, we’d all be buried under the snow.”

“So we’re trapped here!?” realized Jessica.

“They’ll clear it out tomorrow morning,” shrugged Peter nervously.

“Great! Just great!” groaned Jessica.

“Hey, hey, hey,” cautioned Malcolm, “Let’s not get upset. I think we can find a way to make the most of this.”

“Fuck that,” dismissed Jessica, walking back toward the elevator, “I’m going to get as drunk as I can on this eggnog and hope I pass out until the snow is gone.”

“Jessica!” shouted Malcolm angrily, chasing after her.

“So…” said Mary Jane with a smile as she walked over to Peter, “Looks like we’re stuck here until morning…”

“Yeah,” frowned Peter, “I’m sorry. This is all my fault. If I had made it back sooner-”

“What?” scoffed Mary Jane, “No! I was trying to imply we should have sex, you goof.”

“Oh,” smiled Peter, “Yeah, let’s do that!”

***

“So…” grinned Mary Jane as she pulled her tunic off over her head, “What do you want to do first?”

“I, uh…” began Peter, “Wow…”

They had been dating for a few months now, but Peter was still amazed at the sight of Mary Jane’s body. She tossed the bright red tunic aside as Peter stared at her smooth skin. He stared at her boobs through the red-and-white striped bra and her legs through her black leggings. Peter was watching her from the bed. She walked closer to him as he felt himself become more and more erect. Finally, she eased herself down on top of him and kissed him. Peter felt a rush of excitement and pleasure as her lips touched his and he felt her body begin to lean into him. Mary Jane grabbed his crotch, tightening her grip as he moaned.

“Maybe we should get a condom,” she whispered.

“Yeah… Wait,” said Peter, “Shoot.”

“What?”

“I don’t have any,” admitted Peter nervously, “I didn’t think we’d be-”

“Don’t worry,” said Mary Jane, getting up, “I always have some in my purse.”

“Awesome!” smiled Peter, looking around, “Where is it?”

“I… Damnit,” realized Mary Jane, “I think I left it in the lounge.”

“No problem,” said Peter, getting off the bed, “I’ll get it. One second.”

“Thanks, Tiger!” she winked at him.

Peter sighed happily. His sexual excitement had calmed down now, but he was still incredibly satisfied in knowing that Mary Jane wanted him as badly as he wanted her. He couldn’t wait for what they’d do together in bed that night, but there was a lot they wouldn’t be able to do without condoms.

Peter walked into the lounge, where Jessica was sitting lazily on the couch with a carton of spiked eggnog in her hand. Beside the couch was her paper bag, from which she had taken the eggnog. Peter nodded to her and grabbed Mary Jane’s purse, but on the way out he noticed something odd.

Peter caught a glimpse of Jessica’s bag. Now that one of the cartons had been removed, he could see what was underneath. He saw what appeared to be a festively wrapped box under the other cartons. As if that wasn’t surprising enough, Peter also saw the name written on the tag: “Peter.”

_Oh no,_ he thought, _Peter, you idiot!_

He tried to play it cool and not reveal that he had seen his present, walking out as if nothing had happened. He then rushed down the hall and into his room. Mary Jane was still sitting on the bed, ready to go. Peter tossed the purse aside and began to pace anxiously.

“What’s wrong, Peter?” asked Mary Jane.

“It’s Jessica,” he said, “She got me a present for Christmas! Or the solstice. Or whatever the hell she celebrates.”

“So?” asked Mary Jane, “Isn’t that a good thing?”

“Yes, but I didn’t get _her_ anything!” exclaimed Peter quietly, “I just assumed she would hate that sort of thing. Now what am I supposed to do?”

“Just get her one,” said Mary Jane, “It’s not that big a deal.”

“No!” argued Peter, “I can’t! I’m not going to see her again until January!”

“So?”

“Then it’ll be too late. I have to get her one tonight!”

“Come on, Tiger,” insisted Mary Jane, “Jessica won’t care if you get something for her in January. Plus, it’s not like you can go out and get her something in this weather.”

“Yeah,” conceded Peter, “Maybe you’re right.”

“Damn right I am,” smiled Mary Jane, “Now get your skinny butt back on this bed!”

***

“Fuck,” realized Jessica, “I’m out.”

“What?” asked Malcolm.

Jessica lifted the last carton of eggnog and turned it upside down, demonstrating that it was empty. She had expected them to go somewhere when Peter got back, so she hadn’t brought enough for the whole night. Now she was regretting that.

“Oh well,” said Malcolm smugly, “Guess you’re just going to have to make it through the night sober.”

“The hell I am,” said Jessica, standing up, “This is a college dorm. I’m sure someone has booze around here.”

“This is a dry campus, Jessica,” said Malcolm.

Jessica rolled her eyes. Malcolm sighed.

“Okay, fine,” he admitted, “but it’s not like they keep it here in the lounge or anything.”

“I know,” said Jessica, walking away, “I’m not going to check the lounge.”

“Then what are you-?” began Malcolm, “Jessica, wait!”

Malcolm followed Jessica into the hall as she rammed her shoulder into one of the student’s dorm room doors, breaking the lock and forcing the door open. She began opening bags and cabinets in search of a hidden stash.

“Jessica!” yelled Malcolm, “You can’t do that!”

“Oh yeah?” said Jessica, moving on to the next room, “Who’s going to stop me?”

“I am!” insisted Malcolm, getting in front of her and puffing out his chest.

Jessica rolled her eyes again. Then she flicked his nose with a fraction of her strength. He cried out and grabbed it in pain, at which point Jessica gave him a light shove and knocked him onto his back. She proceeded to force her way into the next dorm room.

“Jessica!” shouted Malcolm again, getting up, “Stop!”

He rushed at her but she casually pushed him away, knocking him back onto his butt again. He got up and ran at her again with the same result.

“Come on!” he whined.

Jessica finished scouring the second room and moved onto the third. Malcolm made one last attempt to physically stop her and got knocked back onto his butt yet again. He sighed in resignation. He knew what he had to do.

“What if I told you I had weed?” he asked.

Jessica stopped what she was doing and looked at Malcolm in confusion.

“You?” she scoffed, “There’s no way-”

“I confiscated it from a student last week,” he explained, “She’s a good kid, so I didn’t want to turn her in for it. It’s still in my office downstairs.”

“Alright,” said Jessica, “Show me.”

“One condition,” said Malcolm, “You have to stop breaking into students’ rooms!”

“Deal,” agreed Jessica.

“Do we, uh…” muttered Malcolm as he got up, “Want to tell Peter and MJ?”

“Yeah,” nodded Jessica, “I guess we probably should.”

They walked down the hall to Peter’s dorm room, where Jessica opened without knocking. She walked in on the sight of a shirtless Peter leaning his face into Mary Jane’s crotch as he slowly pulled the front of her leggings down. Peter saw Jessica and let out a shrill gasp. Both he and Mary Jane leapt away from each other in panic, covering themselves. Jessica practically wretched in disgust as she turned away. 

“Gross!” cried out Jessica, “Haven’t you ever heard of locking the door!?”

“Like that would have stopped you,” muttered Malcolm.

“Well they could have at least put a sock on the door or something!”

“What is it Jessica?” asked Peter as he hurriedly pulled his shirt on.

“Well if you’re not too busy going down on Mary Jane,” said Jessica, “We were gonna _offer_ you some Mary Jane.”

“That’s weed,” said Malcolm.

Jessica sighed in frustration.

***

“...do you ever wonder if the family in ‘I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus’ was alright?” asked Malcolm.

“What?”

“Like, the mom totally cheats on the dad in that song. Do you ever wonder if they get a divorce afterwards?”

“Dude,” said Jessica, “The dad IS Santa Claus. That’s the point.”

“What!?”

“Yeah, it’s the dad in a Santa suit.”

“No way!”

“Way,” said Jessica, “Pass the joint.”

Malcolm did. Jessica and Malcolm were relaxing on the couch in the lounge, passing a lit joint back and forth. They had laid out the confiscated cannabis on the coffee table in front of them, with rolling paper all around it. Peter and Mary Jane were on the other side of the lounge, where they had their own setup with bud and rolling papers.

They had been smoking for a bit now. Jessica was surprised Malcolm had agreed to let them smoke indoors, but it wasn’t like they had many other choices. Jessica didn’t care. If the lounge reeked of weed when students came back from break, it wasn’t her problem. She took another long hit and blew the smoke out slowly.

“I have that song on vinyl, you know,” said Malcolm, taking the joint back.

“What song?”

“‘I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus.’”

“Right,” said Jessica, “Of course you do.”

Malcolm was considerably chattier while high. Jessica had assumed he had never smoked before, but he showed a degree of familiarity. He still didn’t seem super experienced with it though. Jessica could only assume he was higher than he was used to being.

“The Nintendo 64 was so freaking cool,” said Malcolm suddenly.

“Alright,” sighed Jessica, getting up, “I’m going to make sure Peter and Red aren’t getting frisky in the corner.”

“Frisky…” muttered Malcolm to himself, “...what a good word…”

Jessica realized as soon as she stood that she was higher than she had realized too. It was very different than being too drunk, especially for her. She couldn’t focus her vision, but she didn’t have any trouble getting up and moving around. The warm buzz in the back of her head reminded her of the buzz she got while drunk, but it was somehow… less aggressive. 

Jessica made it to the other side of the lounge, where Peter and Mary Jane were cuddling together on an armchair. They didn’t seem to notice Jessica looking at them. Soon after she saw them, they began to kiss one another. Jessica almost shouted out in disgust, but then she felt Malcolm grab her shoulder.

“What are we doing?” he asked in an earnest whisper.

“...I don’t know,” admitted Jessica.

The weed was messing with her head a bit. She found herself overthinking every decision and action. Normally she’d have made a smartass comment by now, but she couldn’t think of one. Instead she continued to watch as Peter crawled on top of Mary Jane as she lay back in the chair, still passionately kissing one another. As Peter leaned over, his shirt rode up and Jessica saw the waistband of his compression shorts peeking out of the back of his jeans.

“Do you think it’s actually possible to get someone’s underwear over their head?” asked Jessica, grinning.

“Like with a wedgie?” asked Malcolm, “Probably not. Why?”

“Let’s find out!” whispered Jessica excitedly.

Mary Jane moaned as Peter thrust into her. Even through their clothes, the feeling was an incredible turn on. Mary Jane had already been hoping to get laid tonight, but now that she was high she was even hornier and wanted it even more. Peter seemed more interested in it too. They’d go back to his dorm room soon, but for now Mary Jane sighed in pleasure as Peter began to kiss her neck.

“YEEEEEEEOW!” squealed Peter directly into Mary Jane’s face, getting spit all over her.

Mary Jane winced, wiped the spit off her face, and looked over Peter’s shoulder. She saw that Jessica had two fistfuls of white fabric and was pulling them as high as she could. Mary Jane began to feel Peter get lifted off of her, then Jessica pushed the fabric forward and hooked the waistband over Peter’s forehead.

“Jessica!” cried out Peter in a high-pitched voice, standing up and struggling to unhook the waistband.

“Wow!” gasped Malcolm in awe, “It really _is_ possible!”

Jessica was cackling with delight. Mary Jane glared at her. That was the third time she had been cock blocked that night. She was not happy about it. Peter continued to struggle until he finally pushed the waistband off his head. The limp elastic fell behind him and hung out of the back of his pants like a floppy white tail.

“Come on!” groaned Peter, pulling at the seat of her pants, “You stretched them out! I’m running out of underwear, you know!”

Mary Jane sighed. Moments ago she was incredibly hot for Peter. Not only had she been interrupted, but she had seen her man completely emasculated and made to look pathetic. Also, he had gotten spit all over her face. Even _she_ had a hard time being attracted to him in those moments. She crossed her arms in frustration.

“Maybe you two should get some privacy,” suggested Malcolm, “You know, so you can… _make love_.”

Everyone turned to Malcolm with a confused and concerned look. He smiled blankly back, slowly swaying from side to side. Jessica shook her head in dismissal. Mary Jane grabbed Peter by the wrist with one hand and grabbed the weed with the other.

“Come on,” she said, “Let’s go back to your room.”

Peter dutifully followed, waving cheerily to Malcolm and Jessica as Mary Jane walked him out of the room. Jessica couldn’t help but snicker and the loose fabric of the compression shorts bouncing behind him as they did.

“Dorks,” scoffed Jessica, heading back to the couch.

After getting back to his room, Peter bashfully reeled the stretched fabric in and shoved it back into his pants. It was still incredibly uncomfortable to have it all folded up in his jeans, but it was better than letting it hang out the back where Jessica could easily grab it again.

“Hey,” grinned Mary Jane, “Check this out!”

Mary Jane was determined to make this work. She slowly built the mood by removing her tunic again, tossing it aside as Peter once again stared wide-eyed at his beautiful girlfriend. Mary Jane took the joint and began to blow smoke rings. She slowly walked up to Peter, now wearing just her leggings and bra. Peter gazed in awe. Then Mary Jane was on top of him, slowly moving her face towards his as he became more and more aroused.

“You ever try shotgunning a puff, Tiger?” she whispered in his ear.

Peter shook his head, smiling widely.

“You wanna try?” she asked.

Peter nodded his head, smiling widely. Mary Jane took a hit off the joint and leaned in, wrapping her lips around his. She exhaled as he inhaled, feeling the smoke transfer between their lungs before they both pulled away and started coughing. Mary Jane grinned at Peter. He really was the most endearing dork.

Peter took off his shirt and tossed it aside, beginning to unbutton his jeans. Mary Jane did the same. As they prepared to remove their pants all together, the smoke they had been blowing gathered at the ceiling. It concentrated around the sprinkler nozzle for a moment.

First they heard the loud sound of running water. Seconds later both Peter and Mary Jane were screaming as cold water rained down on them from the sprinkler system, soaking them and completely extinguishing the sexual tension.

***

Malcolm turned the knob on the valve several times and the spraying finally stopped. Peter, Jessica, and Mary Jane stood behind him, all four of them soaked to the bone. Peter was even shivering. Malcolm let out a long sigh. While they were all still high, the cold water had certainly had something of a sobering effect.

“I can’t believe the system is so sensitive…” said Mary Jane.

“Wait a minute,” demanded Jessica angrily, “So this was YOUR fault!?”

“It was an accident!” defended Mary Jane, “I just wanted to- YIIIE!”

Jessica had grabbed the back of the waistband of Mary Jane’s red and white boyshorts and yanked up with all her might. The wet underwear stretched much farther than it normally would. The wet fabric cut deep into Mary Jane’s butt and vagina before Jessica snapped the damp elastic of the garment over Mary Jane’s forehead, prolonging the tightening pain until Mary Jane was finally able to get it off of her head.

“Oh my God,” she groaned, shoving both hands down the back of her pants to dewedge herself, “That is SO much worse with soggy undies!”

Mary Jane now had her own underwear tail. Hers was so stretched out that it went all the way down to the floor behind her. She bashfully gathered it up and crammed it back into her pants.

“Hopefully no one left anything in their dorms that could be damaged,” sighed Malcolm.

“Shit!” yelled Jessica suddenly, “The presents!”

“The presents?” said the others, but Jessica had already sprinted off.

They followed her back to the lounge, where they saw her searching around the room in a panic.

“Shit,” she muttered, “Shit, shit, shit. Where’d I put it?”

“You mean those?” asked Peter, pointing to a large paper bag under the coffee table.

“Oh thank God,” sighed Jessica with relief, “They stayed dry.”

“I’m sorry,” said Malcolm, “Did you say those were presents?”

“Um,” said Jessica awkwardly, “Yeah. Happy Holidays, everyone.”

She unceremoniously raised the paper bag into the air. After a moment Peter approached and she handed it to him. Peter took out the three presents inside and handed them to the recipients. Peter had a slightly smug look on his face. He had already had a feeling she had gotten one for everyone.

“No, wait,” said Malcolm, staring at the large wrapped box in his hands, “Jessica Jones giving out Christmas presents? This can’t be right.”

“Relax, asshole,” said Jessica with annoyance, “They were a last minute idea. Don’t get too excited.”

“Wait!” said Peter suddenly, “Hold on! I’ll be right back!”

Peter rushed out of the room. Malcolm looked around. Then he realized what Peter was doing.

“Uh…” muttered Malcolm, “I’ll be right back too!”

He rushed out of the room as well. Jessica looked at Mary Jane in exasperation.

“You have somewhere to go too, Red?” she asked.

“No,” she said, “Besides, I have a pretty nasty rash now thanks to you. It makes walking a pain.”

Jessica smiled in satisfaction. There was a certain sense of accomplishment in giving a wedgie that effectively. Malcolm and Peter soon returned with something behind their backs. Malcolm had a plastic grocery bag filled with what looked like books and Peter had his backpack.

“Well would you look at that!” scoffed Jessica, “Looks like I’m the most prepared. That’s a first.”

“Sure is,” said Malcolm under his breath.

“You wanna start, smartass?” snapped Jessica.

“Uh…” muttered Malcolm uncomfortably, “...sure.”

Malcolm walked around to each of them and pulled one book out of his bag and handed it to each of them. The books were clearly worn, though not damaged. None of them had any sort of wrapping or indication that they were intended as gifts.

“_The Maltese Falcon_?” asked Jessica with a half smile, “Seriously? What, because I’m an investigator?”

“Yeah,” admitted Malcolm.

“_Biology 101_...” read Peter aloud as he looked at his book, “Thanks! I mean, I read this in high school, but thanks!”

“Yeah,” chuckled Jessica, “He’s a biology major, dumbass. You didn’t think he’d have read that one?”

“_To Kill a Mockingbird_?” asked Mary Jane as she looked at her own book, “I don’t really know what you’re trying to say with this.”

“Okay, okay,” admitted Malcolm, “I didn’t have any actual presents for you. I panicked and grabbed what I could from my office. Cut me some slack, okay?”

“Of course,” said Jessica, giving Malcolm a light shove, “I just wanted to hear you admit it.”

Malcolm stumbled backward. Even a light shove from Jessica Jones could easily topple someone who wasn’t ready for it, especially when they were a little high.

“Here,” said Jessica, handing Malcolm a wrapped box, “Maybe this will cheer you up.”

“A record player!?” realized Malcolm as he removed the wrapping paper, “That’s not-!? But how-?”

“Yours broke, right?” clarified Jessica.

“I mean yeah, but I never told you that!” said Malcolm, a little concerned.

“Yeah, but you used to talk about all the records you were listening to on your record player,” she explained, “Now you only talk about _having_ the records. I put 2 and 2 together.”

“That’s not 2 and 2 together,” said Mary Jane wearily, “That’s advanced trigonometry. That’s scary.”

“Oh yeah?” said Jessica, “Too scary for you to accept yours?”

Mary Jane looked down at her wrapped package. She opened it and gasped to see that it was an academic day planner themed around _Once Upon a Mattress_. She almost teared up at the sight of it.

“I… Jessica…” she whispered.

“I know, I know,” said Jessica dismissively, “You were all stressed out that you couldn’t handle classes on top of your new role, right? I thought I’d get you something to help with that.”

“Did you tell her that?” Malcolm asked Mary Jane.

Mary Jane shook her head. Malcolm turned back to Jessica.

“You know it’s really weird that you knew that,” pointed out Malcolm, “Right?”

“It’s… Jessica…” said Mary Jane quietly, “This is so sweet. Thank you.”

It was true. Mary Jane had been incredibly insecure about her ability to succeed in college. She had had a lot of trouble finding work after high school and had even failed her audition for her scholarship multiple times. Now that she was trying to balance the huge role of Winnifred* with new and unfamiliar schoolwork, she was doubting that she could handle both at once. Getting this from Jessica felt like being told it _was_ possible to do both. Mary Jane wasn’t sure if Jessica fully understood how meaningful it was, but she suspected that she did.

*As seen in [Mary Jane: Break a Leg](https://archiveofourown.org/works/21403966)

“You gonna open yours, nerd?” Jessica asked Peter with a half smile.

Peter nodded and hurriedly began to open his present. Seeing the incredibly thoughtful gifts Jessica had given Malcolm and Mary Jane had gotten him excited. He couldn’t wait to see what Jessica had gotten for him. After all, she was his first real friend since becoming Spider-Man. Since meeting her he had friends and a caring support network. Their relationship meant so much. They had gotten so close that Jessica was beginning to feel like-

“Underwear?”

It was a package of a dozen pairs of white Actionwear compression shorts. It was the exact brand and size Peter always wore, but it certainly wasn’t the meaningful gift he had hoped for.

“Yeah,” chuckled Jessica, “You know I figured you could use some, what with all the massive wedgies you’ve gotten. You were probably starting to run out of unstretched undies, right?”

“I… I was,” said Peter, “Thanks.”

Peter took a deep breath and calmed himself. It made sense when he thought about it. Jessica had met him because of a wedgie* and she had certainly given him plenty since then. Besides, Jessica had given Peter so much already. She had saved his life, had his back no matter what, and was responsible for just about every nice thing that had happened to him recently. That was the real gift. He didn’t need anything else from Jessica. Although a present that hadn’t embarrassed him in front of his girlfriend would have been nice.

*In [Jessica Jones and Spider-Man: Real Heroes](https://archiveofourown.org/works/20905046)

“I’m sorry everyone,” admitted Mary Jane, “I don’t have any of your presents with me, but-”

“You got earrings or a necklace for Malcolm, disgustingly cute matching shirts for you and Peter, and…” thought Jessica out loud, “I don’t know, a stress ball or fidget spinner or some shit for me?”

“I… Wow,” uttered Mary Jane, stunned, “Yes. Well, mostly.”

“Matchings _socks_ for you and Peter?”

“...yes.”

“Alright Peter,” said Malcolm, “You’re up.”

Peter nodded and opened his backpack. He pulled out a mug and handed it to Malcolm. Malcolm laughed as he turned the mug in his hands, reading the side of it: “Be Cool, Stay in School.”

“That’s funny,” smiled Malcolm, “Thanks, Peter!”

“Wait a minute,” considered Jessica, turning to Peter, “Did you already have that? Just, like, lying around your dorm?”

“Maybe,” said Peter defensively.

“You are SUCH a fucking dweeb!” groaned Jessica.

“Yeah?” said Peter indignantly, “Well, wait until you see what I got you!”

Peter pulled a DVD case out of his backpack and handed it to Jessica. She took it in confusion, but once she had it in her hands, her eyes widened and her jaw dropped.

“Holy shit,” she said quietly, “No way.”

“A Captain America movie?” asked Malcolm in confusion.

“Not just a Captain America movie,” smiled Peter, “A _horrendous_ Captain America movie. It’s from the 80s and stars Dolph Lundgren.”

“I can’t believe it,” whispered Jessica, “I haven’t been able to find this anywhere! It’s, like, the holy grail of terrible movies! I’ve searched just about everywhere on the internet for this but I could never find it!”

“That’s because the studio cancelled the home video release after only a week,” explained Peter, “Only a handful of VHS tapes even hit the market. Someone got their hands on one and converted it into a DVD. I found it on sale at a convention booth years ago.”

“I wish I could have seen your face when you watched it for the first time,” laughed Jessica.

“Actually, I still haven’t seen it!” said Peter, “I knew how bad it was and couldn’t bring myself to watch it.”

“Nice!” smiled Jessica, “We can watch it together. It’ll be fun watching you squirm.”

Peter smiled with pride. He knew she’d love it. There were few things in the world that got Jessica excited, but laughing at other people’s expense was one of them. She loved hearing about horrendous projects that went terribly wrong. Now they’d have something they could enjoy together.

“What did you get me, Tiger?” smiled Mary Jane, plucking the backpack out of Peter’s hands.

“Wait, MJ…” began Peter nervously, “I think maybe you should wait until we are back in-”

“Oh!” smiled Mary Jane widely as she looked into the bag, “Peter!”

She stared at him with an intense, almost hungry smile. Jessica and Malcolm didn’t need to know more to figure out what kind of gift Peter had gotten her.

“Gross,” sighed Jessica.

“Um…” said Malcolm uncomfortably, “Good for you two.”

“Hey, um,” said Mary Jane with an excited, anxious energy, “Pete, I think I’m going to hang back in your room. Come see me when you’re, uh, ready to hang out?”

“Sure,” nodded Peter.

Mary Jane let out a small squeal before running off with Peter’s backpack.

“What kind of shit do you two do?” asked Jessica.

“Well, MJ’s really into-”

“Stop!” ordered Jessica, “That was rhetorical. Go.”

“What?” asked Peter.

“Go!” repeated Jessica, “Go have sex with your girlfriend, for Chirst’s sake. The sooner you’re done the sooner I can stop thinking about it.”

“Alright!” nodded Peter excitedly, running out of the room.

On his way out, Peter heard Jessica groan. Apparently he had made his eagerness a little too apparent. It was hard to hide though. He was about to give Mary Jane a GREAT time and he couldn’t wait. He rushed into the bedroom where, to Peter’s relief, he saw that his bottom bunk had remained dry. Mary Jane was already removing her clothes. Peter couldn’t help but chuckle when she pulled down her leggings, since it caused her stretched out boyshorts to fall limply to the ground. Mary Jane caught him chuckling.

“Watch it, you!” she teased, “I’m about to have you all to myself, so you better behave!”

Peter smiled back. He was excited. He closed the door behind him and placed his presents in the dry corner of the room. As he put down the package of underwear, he noticed that the seal had already been broken. That was strange. He opened the package and began to rummage about inside.

“Peter!” whined Mary Jane impatiently, “Seriously!? I’m lying here naked and you’re looking at a pack of your own underwear?”

“One second,” requested Peter, finding a small card inside the package.

It was a $500 gift card for Van Dyne, a high end clothing store. He couldn’t believe it. Mary Jane’s opening night was coming up soon and Peter had been incredibly nervous about not owning any nice clothes he could wear. Jessica must have figured that out and gotten him this to help him. She really was the best.

“Come ON, Tiger!” growled Mary Jane.

Peter laughed as he felt Mary Jane grab onto the back of his jeans and yank him over onto the bed with her. They both set about tearing off Peter’s clothes, finally pressing their naked bodies together. Mary Jane let out a loud moan the moment she felt Peter’s skin against hers. The two of them had a wonderful night together. They also made _excellent_ use of the present Peter had gotten Mary Jane.

**Author's Note:**

> MT3's 2019 holiday episode


End file.
